Self-loathing, laziness, and dollmaxxing

For as long as I can remember, I've never had a good self esteem. I've always thought I was fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, or all of the above. My messy room, piles of missing schoolwork and just general filth in my appearance. I have always been a perfectionist without any motivation to actually be perfect. I assumed I would be bad at things so I wouldn't bother to even try.